Relationships

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

excerpt from 'A Gift From the Sea'

Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001)

At the end of the day we all form relationships - be it as friends, lovers, acquaintances, parents, siblings - the intensities and purposes will vary. I have begun to accept that people come into your life for various reasons. They all play their part, and so do I. Found the above from Anne Morrow Lindbergh via a friend's blog. Made me think. Made me smile. It' s ok to let things ebb.

Spring cleaning....

Was spring cleaning my cupboards - and by extension my life - this weekend, when I came across one of those little 'thingys' that are now popular on calendars. They give you some facts about the day in question, the date (of course!) and a thought for the day. I came across two that I had stashed away in a book sometime ago, and while the dates were long gone, I found the two just to be what I needed for this week.

The first read: 'to be timid and hesitating, everything is impossible because it seems so'. While the other read: ' it is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them'. Made me stop and reflect on them in the context of week that had just passed, and the mix of emotions that it had brought.
In the general scheme of things I don't consider myself timid. Admittedly, I will take time to act on a decision, particularly if it's a difficult one, or one that I can't predict what will happen. For these reasons I have never been a great risk taker, though granted once I have made up my mind on a course of action then yes, that is it. I made a decision this week that was a hard one. I had been mulling over the issue for some time and had been wondering about what would happen if ... Finally, I just did. And while I have no regrets, and yes, would still do the same thing again, it's always hard to deal with the reactions of other people.

At a point I thought I had been so silly and couldn't help figuratively hitting my head against the proverbial wall, having my own Britney Spears ' oops I did it again!' moment. However, after that initial reaction , I realized that no, I can't be responsible for how others react, but I can be responsible for making the best decision I could at a time when I had to. There. Total peace.

I think once you don't try to deliberately hurt people, then there is nothing wrong with saying what you think or how you feel. To express one's self is not a call for agreement or even disagreement. It's your own expression, your own opinion. How others react, will rather be defined by their own ability (or inability) to handle the situation. You can be responsible for what you say and how you say it but you certainly can't be responsible for how others will react. One just has to accept that.

I guess saying what is on your mind, or how you are feeling or confronting any situation that takes you outside your comfort zone is a bit like spring cleaning. There is often times a lot of 'junk' one has accumulated, so much one easily forgets. You find a lot of things - some which you wonder why you kept them in the first place. Then comes of the release of just organizing, re-packing and sometimes discarding. Only then can one stand back and say, hey, not a bad job for a days work. It beats the clutter and confusion.

So for all of my friends who allowed me to be stupid in my head-banging-self-doubting moments, thanks for making me behave stupid, but more importantly thanks for reminding me that I wasn't. This post is for you.